Conquering my GHD panic

One of the tools I’ve been using to stay positive over the past few weeks has been celebrating every improvement I can mark in my workouts. Whenever I feel like quitting or giving up during an especially intense session, I force those weaker voices to shut up, and instead I repeat to myself, “You couldn’t do this a year ago. You are getting stronger every day. You are improving and changing and that is awesome. Keep moving forward.”

It’s working. I haven’t quit on a workout. I’ve pushed myself and I’ve tried things. It’s pretty awesome. And in light of that, I’m going to try to be better about documenting these successes in blog format.

That brings me to today’s post. Meet the GHD:

This piece of equipment, the Glute & Ham Developer (hence, GHD) was my nemesis. We use it for two things at Crossfit: sit ups and back extensions. The GHD sit up is pretty straightforward. You face the ceiling, with your feet in the foot rests, and your hips on the larger pads, and you extend as far back as you can. People with better core strength and back flexibility than I possess are able to extend all the way back and touch the floor before hinging up into a sit up. Right now, I’m just past parallel, but hoping to get better. The sit ups aren’t bad – they’re actually kind of fun once you get used to them! – and they really do get at your abs. We did 5 sets of 15 in Thursday’s WOD, and between that and Friday morning’s Soul Cycle class, it still hurts to laugh today.

Back extensions, however, are a WHOLE other story.

To do a back extension, you flip over. Feet are still in the grips, hips are still on the pads, but you’re facing the floor. You actually want your hip joins to be just past the pads, so that you can freely hinge down until your body is perpendicular to the GHD, and then you use your back muscles to pull yourself back up to parallel.

It. Is. Terrifying.

The first time we had GHD back extensions in a WOD, about 2 months ago, I had a full blown panic attack. I got onto the equipment, I looked down at the floor, and I literally felt all of the air leave my chest. I refused to let go of the handles and got off the machine as quickly as I could, while trying to hold back the tears that were threatening. I didn’t trust the equipment to hold me; over and over in my head I saw a loop of my face hitting the floor in some spectacular collapse. Logically I knew that wouldn’t happen, but I couldn’t get past that irrational fear. I begged the coach for a modification and I avoided looking directly at the equipment for weeks afterwards.

Saturday, after practicing snatches for the majority of the beginners’ olympic lifting course – a mandatory element to the beginners’ Crossfit program at my box, and one that I really appreciate, as it teaches form and ensures we don’t hurt ourselves in the WODs – there was one line of instructions on the board:

“Back extension, 3×10”

“Maybe there’s some other way of doing back extensions,” I thought. “It doesn’t say GHD… it must mean something else.” I ignored it as long as possible, but come the last 10 minutes of class, I had to face my fears. It was time. I needed to get on that equipment and force myself through those sets.

Turns out it’s not all that bad – it’s actually kind of fun once you get going. I’m not going to lie, it’s still a little freaky when I first get on the stupid thing, but I’ve gotten better at telling the voices in my head to STFU while I get through my workout. I was so stinking proud of myself after banging out those three sets, with nary a tear or a panic attack in sight.

Progress takes a lot of forms. This week, my progress came in the form of conquering that stupid equipment torture device.

Now, if only I could make the jump rope my bitch…

I’m baaaaack!

Didja miss me?

I don’t have any good excuse for the lack of posting over the past month. Family issues, holiday stress, and a much-needed vacation all kept me away from this blog, and I’d apologize, but the truth is, I needed some time away from everything. I drafted and discarded multiple attempts at a 2015 resolutions post to kick off the year, but it felt disingenuous to share a resolutions post when I truthfully hadn’t yet gotten myself into the right mindset.

The good news? I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the things that I’m doing right, and the things that I need to do better, to continue improving my overall health and wellness in the new year. I finally feel like I’m at a place where I can fully redevote myself to the mission of this blog and, by extension, get back into the flow of blogging.

So what do my 2015 resolutions look like? I only have one: Don’t make any resolutions! 

I’m 29 years old, turning 30 in a few months, and I have a life that is super jam packed and constantly evolving. What seems like it’s a good fit right now may not still work for me in a few months, so a year-long resolution feels like I’m setting myself up to fail. I have the best successes when I’ve got a regular forum to check in with someone else – whether that’s a nutritional counselor, a fitness group during a challenge, or just a friend who agrees to be my accountability partner. Those external check ins really help me to refocus on what I’m trying to achieve, so I’m going to approach 2015 similarly.

On a regular basis – at least monthly – I’ll sit down and reflect on how things feel. What’s been going really well? Where have I been slipping up? Am I bored with any aspects of my fitness routine? What can I do to freshen up my day to day activities to keep myself invested in my own journey? I’m also looking into a therapist who specializes in disordered eating and body image issues. The stress of the past few months made me realize that I’m still very much at war with my impulses toward emotional eating, and this isn’t something I can fix on my own. I’m looking forward to the coming months, and to inviting you all along with me as I continue to figure it all out.

What are some goals you’re currently working toward? Do you make resolutions?

Emotional Eating: Why Can’t I Quit You?

Emotional eating has always been my biggest nemesis in the battle to improve my diet. Food has seemingly always been tied to how I’m feeling. Birthday celebrations centered around decadent cakes covered in sugary icing from the local Italian bakery. Stressful periods meant that stopping for fast food could be excused away by my busy schedule. When someone in my family was sick, or after a death, friends and neighbors would come bearing gifts of food – bags of bagels and cream cheese, trays of lasagna, deli platters to feed an army.

Weight Watchers is capitalizing on this right now with their current ad campaign. I have tried their programs in the past and it didn’t work for me, but I know there are a lot of people who swear by the company. Sharing this video is in no way an endorsement of their methods; it is, however, a great piece of advertising and one that hits home with today’s topic.

I’ve mentioned this a few times recently, but my family’s been going through a rough patch lately. My father had surgery last week, and it’s been difficult to keep up with a sense of normalcy with everything that’s been going on. I tend to internalize things like this, which is not to say that there haven’t been incredible displays of support and friendship from the people I care about; I just tend not to talk much about things like this when they’re going on. So, instead, I go to war with the grocery store. Ice cream? Chips? Homemade chocolate chip cookies? All things that were on the patient’s wish list for recovery snacks, and I had zero mental energy to find the willpower to resist adding my own treats to the cart when shopping last week.

So here we are. It’s been a week since the surgery, and I feel gross. I haven’t been eating well, I’ve been drinking way too much wine, and my body is letting me know that it is displeased. My pants are feeling tight, I have no energy, and I can’t find the willpower to get back to my normal healthy eating and exercising routine.

This latest incidence of emotional eating has helped me to see that I need to focus more on the mental side of all of this. I know what I need to do to lose weight and get in better physical shape, and I am totally capable of doing all of those things. What I need to figure out know is how to maintain those habits and not let outside forces shake me to the core. Life happens and I need to learn that turning to comfort foods not only won’t comfort me, but it will make me feel worse in the long run.

I’m making this one of my priorities for the coming year and I’d love suggestions from others who have dealt with this in the past. Any books that particularly worked for you? Techniques to try? Should I just suck it up and try therapy? Advice is welcome, and much appreciated!

I’m teaming up with Carolyn over at Fitnasty for Life to get #Fit4Fifteen – check out the linkup!

Do you battle with emotional eating? What has worked for you?

Thanksgiving Strategy

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I love Thanksgiving. I didn’t get to this place by skipping the stuffing and mashed potatoes, folks. I love food, and Thanksgiving is filled with some of my favorite things to eat. I want to make sure I enjoy the holiday, but I also don’t want to overdo it. I have my #6W2C midway check in on Saturday and I would hate for lingering turkey belly to show up for measurements! I’m sure I’m not alone in this, so I wanted to share some of my ideas for staying on track this week.

 

Make smart swaps. Wherever possible, I’m looking at our planned menu and identifying ways that I can save calories without sacrificing flavor. Here are a few of the things I’ll be doing on Thursday:

• We always make spinach dip to eat during the early football game. The traditional dip is loaded with calories – mayo AND sour cream! served in a bread bowl with more bread on the side! – but there are ways to lighten it up. I’ll double the amount of spinach so that more of the bulk comes from veggies than from dip, and I’ll be using greek yogurt in place of the sour cream. I’m also providing cut up veggies alongside the bread for a healthier option to dip.
• My family’s stuffing recipe is built around Jimmy Dean sausage, because there’s no better way to stuff a turkey than with some dead pig (delicious, delicious dead pig). My father would disown me if I tried to mess with this recipe, so I had to look for other ways to lighten up our family gathering. I decided that rather than pan searing the brussel sprouts in bacon drippings, I would roast them with butternut squash and olive oil. No need to incorporate more unnecessary pork products (though delicious. so, so delicious) into an already caloric meal!
• I’ll be cutting way back on drinking during the day. I love beer during football as much as any girl, and who doesn’t love a bloody mary when prepping the turkey to go in the oven? But at the end of the day, I don’t want to waste calories on alcohol. I picked out a delicious wine to savor with the meal, but otherwise I’ll be sipping soda water throughout the day.

Get out of the kitchen. It’s really tempting to spend the whole day hanging out in the kitchen. We have an open concept kitchen/family room, so it would be really easy to spend all day either sneaking bites of stuffing from the bird (salmonella? what’s that?) or hanging out on the couch watching football. Instead of giving in to this, I like to plan activities into the day. I will be meeting my cousins for coffee in Boston in the morning before we all head off for our holiday plans, and I’ll take advantage of the opportunity to park away from the coffee shop so I can enjoy a nice walk. I’ll also take the dog out for an extra-long walk midday. This will help both of us – he’ll need to let off his pent up energy, and I’ll walk off some of my football snacks before the big meal. (Let’s just hope Boston weather cooperates and doesn’t rain out these plans!)

Choose a smaller plate. This is my favorite trick, even though it drives my mom absolutely up a wall. Plates have gotten steadily larger over the years, and the average dinner plate is so big that it’s easy to overeat. I really do like to have a little bit of everything from the Thanksgiving table, so if I start with a smaller plate, I can fill it with my favorite foods while forcing myself to use smaller portions. It makes my mom crazy that my plate doesn’t match the rest of her table setting, but it’s a strategy that I use all the time in my regular life. Smaller plates = smaller portions!

Take time to enjoy the day. Yes, the meal is a highlight of the day – but it’s not the only thing to enjoy. Make sure you’re taking time to appreciate the people that you’re spending the day with. Share what you’re grateful for over dinner. Catch up with the family members you haven’t seen in a while, and reflect on the previous year. The more the conversation flows over dinner, the more time you’ll take to eat your meal. You spent all day cooking, so dinner shouldn’t be over in twenty minutes! By taking time to enjoy the company and the experience of the meal, you’ll naturally slow down the pace at which you’re eating, and that will give your body time to realize that you’re full. Wait to take seconds – chances are you don’t actually want the extra portions!

Stay active this week – No excuses!  I planned out my workouts for the week, and I will follow through on every commitment, no matter what. I’ve been battling a sinus infection and it’s really tempting to just drown myself in Sudafed and hide from the world, but this week it is especially important to follow through on my workout plans. I’ve got a good mix of cardio and strength training Monday through Wednesday. I’m kicking Thanksgiving day off with an early spin class, and I’m signed up for Turkey Bootcamp with a group of girlfriends for Friday morning. Staying active this week will help me to think about my long term goals and make the right choices elsewhere in life.

Most importantly, remember that this is only one day out of the year. Practice moderation and make good choices, and remember that this day should be about enjoying the time you get to spend with the people you love. Plan for success, but don’t get so caught up in making healthy choices that you forget to savor the day – and the meal.

How are you setting yourself up for success this holiday season?

Tackling tempation

I don’t know about the rest of you, but willpower and I don’t really get along all that well. More than anything, I really struggle with temptation. If there’s candy in my desk drawer, I’m going to eat it. If I open a bag of snacks, I’m not going to stop after the recommended serving size. At parties, I can’t just try a sampling of the appetizers; I park myself next to whatever is most delicious and munch away. With the holidays coming up, I know that temptation is going to be confronting me at every turn. I’ve committed to both #6W2C and #Fit4Fifteen to help myself stay on track through the end of the holiday season, but those challenges aren’t going to take me all the way on their own. I also need to employ some handy tricks to keep myself on track.

Tip #1: Pre-portion all snacks as soon as you get home from the grocery store. 

I did my grocery shopping at the new Market Basket in my town last night, and I was super excited to find this Cedar’s Spinach Dip, made with Greek yogurt. Cedar’s is based in the Merrimack Valley, here in MA, and I’m a huge fan of their products. They’ve also been generous donors to the youth conference I volunteer with in the past, so I like to support them whenever I can. At only 50 calories per serving, this is a great thing to have on hand for an afternoon snack with pretzels or cut up vegetables. However, I know that if I were to just start dunking carrot sticks directly in that tub of dip, I’d exceed the recommended serving before I knew it. To ward off any temptation, I picked up small snack size dip containers and pre-portioned out the tub as soon as I got home. The tub contained twelve 50-calorie servings, so I portioned it into six small cups to have at work as an afternoon snack this week.

Tip #2: Stock your kitchen with healthy, nourishing snacks. 

You know the saying, “Monkey see, monkey do”? In my kitchen, it’s “Colleen see, Colleen eat.” If you keep your biggest temptations on hand, you’re more likely to eat them. Bypass those aisles at the grocery store and resist the urge to add tempting foods to your cart. You’ll tell yourself that you’ll only have those cookies once a week as a special treat, but we know that’s a lie. That ice cream will definitely not be for PMS emergencies only, and I don’t care how much you swear that you’re only buying those chocolate chips as an addition to protein pancakes, we both know those will end up getting eaten by the handful after a bad day at work. Try instead to make sure that you always have plenty of healthy foods on hand that still feel like you’re giving yourself a treat. Avocados are one of my favorite healthy treat foods – adding them to eggs or mashing them on toast feels so indulgent, but I’m getting the healthy fats that my body needs. I also always have apples, hard boiled eggs, and preportioned baggies of turkey or beef jerkey on hand. These are all snacks that are easy to grab and go if I’m in a rush, and they fill me up and satisfy me without destroying my healthy eating plan for the day.

Tip #3: The freezer is your friend. 

I could pretend that my kitchen is a place where you will find only healthy, nutritious food items. This would be a lie. Yes, I do try to avoid keeping tempting foods around, but I’m human, and sometimes a girl needs a Snickers. I keep a bag of fun sized Snickers bars in my freezer at all times. That way, if I decide I really do want a little chocolate treat, I can go for just one bar. The bar needs to thaw a bit before it’s edible (unless I want to break a tooth!) and that time helps me to limit myself to just the single serving, and to be mindful that I’m treating myself to this snack.

Tip #4: Don’t go to holiday parties on an empty stomach.

I always have a snack before I go to a holiday party. It’s easier to resist all the tempting appetizers if you’ve already got something healthy in your stomach. I might make a half serving size of Shakeology, or I might grab a handful of almonds and an apple. It’s also a good idea to have a full glass of water before you leave for any holiday events, and to keep drinking water throughout the night. Hydrating will help you feel fuller, and it will also keep you from overindulging in the holiday punch! I know that my already weak willpower becomes completely nonexistent after a few glasses of festive sangria.

Tip #5: Plan ahead.

When I go out to eat, I like to read the menu online ahead of time and plan out what I’m going to eat. This gives me time to think about healthy substitutions so I won’t delay my dining companions when we’re all ready to order. It also lets me preview both appetizers and desserts so I can decide where I’d rather splurge. This type of planning can be harder if you’re attending a party hosted in someone’s home, but there are ways around this! Call the host and ask if there’s anything you can contribute to the event. Maybe you can bring a healthy appetizer option, or prepare a side dish that utilizes lots of delicious vegetables without drowning them in butter or cream.

Tip #6: Don’t forget to enjoy yourself! 

At the end of the day, the holidays should be about having a good time with the people you care most about. Don’t get so caught up in trying to make healthy decisions that you forget to have a good time. It’s okay if you slip up. No one is perfect! This is all about finding balance. Set yourself up to succeed by reducing temptation wherever possible, and you’ll find that your slip ups are few far between. And if you do overindulge on pumpkin pie come Thanksgiving, well, at least it’s only one day out of the year. Get up and go for a run the next day, and remember that every day is a new chance to start over and make healthier choices.

What are some of the ways you resist temptation?
Share your favorite tips in the comments!

This post is my contribution to this week’s #fit4fifteen link up, hosted by Carolyn over at Fitnasty for Life. Make sure to check out some of the other awesome bloggers in the link up – they’ve all got great stories to share!

Finding the why

As I mentioned last week, I’m doing another Six Weeks to Chic challenge at Studio Poise. I’ve done this challenge twice before, once in Summer 2013 and again in spring of 2014, and I’ve been really happy with the results both times. I’m very excited to be kicking off another challenge and looking forward to holding myself to a higher standard for the coming weeks, in the hopes of resetting my habits on the healthier track.

As I embark on this challenge, I thought about sharing another #MotivationMonday post jammed with Pinterest-worthy quotes and sources of inspiration, but then I realized that I would benefit more from deeper reflection about why I decided to tackle another challenge. For each of the previous sessions, I had a clear goal in mind.

The Summer 2013 session coincided with two weddings. I was motivated to look my best for those events, and participating in the challenge kept me on target while traveling. I even managed to convince some of my friends to rent bikes to ride around Sonoma wine country during one of those wedding trips! We got to see more of the beautiful vineyards this way, and the ride also offset the calories consumed at the vineyards we visited (because you can bet that I wasn’t spitting out those wine tastings!) If you’re ever in Sonoma, I highly recommend this plan – we rented from Sonoma Country Cyclery and had a great time. 

For Spring 2014, the challenge’s conclusion coincided with my 29th birthday. I had planned a big birthday event at Cadillac Ranch and had about 20 friends coming together, so I was super motivated to look and feel my best. I wanted to be in great shape heading into the summer, and that was enough to keep me on target. I loved how I felt after that challenge, and I actually did a pretty good job of continuing to follow the meal plan through most of the summer.

Kindly disregard the wolf wall behind me. My birthday party was at Cadillac Ranch, and this is their standard decor…

However, as I head into this challenge, I’m in a very different place. As I’ve previously acknowledged, this fall has been really rocky for me. I’m not maintaining good habits in my diet, I’m not making it to as many classes, and I generally feel like I’ve let my health become less of a priority. I signed up for the challenge to get back on track, but if I’m really going to stick with it, I need to spend some time considering – why do I want to get back on track? 

We all need to find our own why. In the past, I’ll admit, my motivation largely had to do with my physical appearance. I wasn’t happy with how I looked. As I’ve progressed, though, I’ve realized that this is about so much more than the size of my jeans. I’m gaining real benefits from living a healthier lifestyle, and I need to remind myself of those gains so that I can push myself through the times when it’s all to tempting to give up.

So, what’s my why? Good question.

I feel more energized when I’m eating well and exercising regularly. Anyone who knows me will agree that I tend to commit to too many things. I have a demanding full time job, I serve on the board of directors for a youth leadership organization, and I like to fill my free time with adventures, whether that means visiting friends in New York City or trying new fitness classes. It might seem counterintuitive – time spent exercising is time that I can’t devote to these other commitments! – but skipping my healthy habits actually made it harder to keep up with a demanding schedule. I need to take care of my body if I’m going to put such crazy demands on it!

I sleep better when I’m following a healthy living routine. I have had problems with insomnia my entire life. I took ambien for a while, and even did a sleep study a few years back to try to ascertain why I felt tired all the time. When I am exercising regularly and eating healthy meals, I found that my sleep problems basically disappeared. I was falling asleep more easily, I wasn’t waking up multiple times throughout the night, and I felt well rested when my alarm went off in the morning. All that has flown out the window over the past few months. I lay awake for an hour or more trying to fall asleep every night, and I hit the snooze button multiple times every morning because I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m hoping that restoring my wellness habits will also lead to better sleep.

My mental health benefits when I’m taking care of my physical health. The hour a day that I spend working out is one of the very few opportunities I have to unplug and turn off my brain. When I’m on the mat, or riding a spin bike, or shimmying in a Zumba class, I’m not worrying about my clients or thinking about my to do list. I turn everything off and just let myself enjoy the moment. When I don’t work out, I lose that opportunity to tune everything else out, and it has a noticeably negative impact on my overall mental health. Stressful situations impact me to a greater degree, and I had a more negative outlook on life in general. When I’m making healthy choices, though, it has a trickle down effect and dramatically improves my ability to maintain a positive mentality and attitude.

There’s more to all of this than the size of my clothes. I’m going to be constantly warring with myself over this. I can’t deny that it feels good to reach for smaller sizes when I’m shopping, and I do appreciate receiving compliments on how I look, but that can’t be my primary motivation for pursuing fitness and wellness. I honestly don’t consider myself a vain person, and I would like to think that I’m not someone who is overly concerned with appearances, but I can’t deny that my own appearance has been a driving force in fitness endeavors for my entire life. This is the area I really want to personally focus on during this challenge – concentrating on my whys and the benefits of wellness and celebrating those, instead of glorifying the size of my jeans. 

To further help with my accountability through the holidays, I’m joining a linkup hosted by Fitnasty For Life, joining with other bloggers as we work to get #Fit4Fifteen. I’ll update this post with the link up when it’s available at the end of this week!

 

So tell me in the comments… What’s your why?

Time to Focus

Okay, time for me to come clean: October was a really difficult month for me. I had my first serious backslide, and I ended up gaining about 5 pounds over the course of the month. I can blame a lot of things – I was giving in to stress-eating cravings, I skipped workouts, and family issues took center stage. I could beat myself up over this, but I’m being honest and trying to keep a positive perspective. My efforts at fitness and weight loss aren’t a temporary change; they’re habits that I’m building for a healthier life in the long term. Realistically, things aren’t going to be smooth sailing for the rest of my life, and learning to recover from difficult periods is an important part of this journey.

I’m embracing a few strategies to help me regain my footing. I know that as we head into the holidays, this isn’t something I can do alone. So, I’ve created a group on Facebook where friends can turn to each other for inspiration and support. This isn’t a challenge group; there aren’t any points and the only prize at the end will be how we feel about ourselves. I really just wanted someplace where I could honestly say, “I’m struggling today and I’m really craving a bag of Doritos,” and there would be support to help me through it. If you’re interested in joining, leave a comment below and I’ll happily add you to the group!

I’m also excited to participate in another Six Weeks to Chic program at Studio Poise. I’ve done #6W2C twice before and have had really fantastic results both times. It helps to remind me about ideal habits and get back into a routine, and I think doing this over the holidays will help me to avoid the normal holiday weight creep. Best of all, this time around there’s a challenge built in – and you know how I love me some healthy competition!

I’m really excited about the ladies on my team – they’re great friends and will be excellent motivation to help keep me on track. Being able to text them when I’m struggling or schedule classes with them for extra accountability will definitely help me past this bumpy point!

Finally, I’m trying to mix it up more. I love my at-home workouts (shout out to Body Pump, which I am LOVING!) and I am still loyal to my Poise classes, but I think I need to have greater variety to help jump start my weight loss again. I’m trying a new spin class this weekend at Sweat Cycling Studio in Wakefield, MA, and if I like it, I’ll probably buy a class pack to make spinning a regular part of my fitness routine again. I’ve also started scheduling lunch workout dates with coworkers. We have a great new gym that’s free for employees, but I never take advantage of it. Having someone else committed with me will make sure I leave my desk and get in an extra workout! Today we’re trying this resistance band workout from Lean it UP. I’ve got this pinned on my Pinterest page, and I’ll report back on how it goes!

 

Race Recap: Firefighters’ Memorial 10K

Earlier this fall, one of my dear friends and fellow MYL Foundation volunteers asked me to join the fundraising team he was putting together for a race. I have never in my life turned down an opportunity to support a great cause, so I happily signed on for the College Bound Dorchester running team, and registered for the Firefighters’ Memorial 10K.

Firefighters have always held a special place in my heart. My younger brother, Michael, had Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy. The International Association of Firefighters (IAFF) has a long history of supporting the Muscular Dystrophy Association, and through this connection, the firefighters of Revere, MA, became part of my extended family. They were always there for us, whether it was giving Mike a ride on a fire engine or answering the call of duty in medical emergencies. When my brother passed away, my mom had one request: she wanted a bagpiper at the memorial service. The fire chief went above and beyond, and we ended up with a full color guard on top of the bagpipers at the service – something that’s unheard of for civilians, let alone a 14 year old boy. So, for me, this race was as much about paying tribute to the outstanding men and women of the Boston area fire department as it was about pushing my fitness limits and supporting a friend’s charity.

The start and finish line were at Florian Hall in Dorchester, MA. The first thing I saw when I arrived was a bag piper in full kilt regalia, which I took to be a good sign. The weather on Sunday morning was on the chilly side, which was a nice change from the unseasonably warm temps we’ve had in Boston lately. I was really worried about attempting this run in the heat, so I was relieved to see the forecast hovering in the 50s – that’s definitely my favorite kind of running weather. The CBD team captain had already picked up my bib and race swag for me earlier in the weekend, so the pre-race time was spent taking team photos, loosening up and catching up with friends.

Prior to the start, there was the standard playing of the national anthem, but there was also a moment of silence in memory of all of the firefighters who passed away this year. This was an especially poignant moment as the crowd paid tribute to firefighters Walsh and Kennedy, who passed away in a massive fire in the Back Bay region of Boston this past spring. The moment of silence was followed by a bagpiper playing “Amazing Grace,” which is something that always brings on a wave of emotions for me. It might sound corny, but hearing this at the start of the race definitely made me feel like I had a guardian angel watching out for me – and boy, did I need it.

The starting line was at the top of a very small hill, so the first 50 yards or so were downhill before leveling out to an easy cruise. There were yet more pipers at the start to set the tone for the race with some upbeat Irish music, which I loved! The route took us out along Morrisey Boulevard to the entrance to UMass Boston, where we turned around (about 2.5 miles into the race) to head back toward Tenean Beach. I really appreciated being able to run past my teammates during this portion of the race – they were all more seasoned runners and each and every one of them shouted encouragement at me as we passed. I was also pleasantly surprised to see some other familiar faces in the crowd – this was a popular race among my friends and family, apparently! The encouragement was helpful, because the wind was at my face during the run out to UMass, and it definitely was working against me.

How gorgeous is this picture? Great fall colors along the river and the iconic Boston gas tank behind the fireboat.

During the return trip back toward Tenean Beach, I enjoyed the view out over the water – and I enjoyed having the wind at my back! There was a fireboat stationed just offshore, with the water cannons going and the sirens blaring – I had to slow my pace down enough to capture a picture, because it really was a great view.

As we passed under Route 93, between miles 3 and 4, there was a fire engine parked with a crew in full gear cheering on the runners. I unfortunately did not catch a picture of them, but they definitely helped me to pick up my pace a bit and gave me a much needed boost to make it to mile 4.

And then, at mile 4, my total lack of training caught up with me. Last week, I met with a new dermatologist, and had another biopsy – because while sutures and scars suck, they suck a whole lot less than cancer. I really didn’t think the stitches would be a big deal. They were on my upper outer right thigh and weren’t bothering me at all after about 24 hours, and I figured I’d be fine. Evidently, I was wrong. Shortly after the 4th mile mark, the stitches started to really bother me. I tried to keep alternating between running and walking, but by the time I hit the 5th mile marker, I was resigned to walking the rest of the route. I definitely don’t think the stitches are the sole reason for this — I certainly could have trained more for the race — but they definitely didn’t help matters.

There were pipers and a drummer stationed at the 5 mile mark. I took my headphones out for a bit and listened to the pipes until they faded behind me, and it gave me the final boost I needed to make it to the end of the race. I’ll be honest; I was feeling not so great at this point. My leg hurt, I knew that my time was shot, and the course was pretty deserted. I really just wanted to get to the finish.

Luckily, I’ve got some pretty fantastic friends. Matt, the CBD team captain, was waiting for me at the 6 mile mark to help me finish strong, even though he was dealing with his own fatigue and injury issues after running his first marathon in Hartford last week. We came around a corner and I saw the rest of the team waiting by the finish to cheer me on, and suddenly I forgot about everything that had been bringing me down. I ran the last bit and crossed the finish line with a huge smile on my face.

I would say we earned these beers – Sam Adams has never tasted so good!

The finish line party might have been my favorite part of the race. Florian Hall provided free beers for the runners, which helped to keep that big smile on my face. I would say that between raising over $1500 for College Bound Dorchester and successfully finishing the race, we had earned these beers, no?

There was also live music at the finish – The Fenian Sons provided great post-race entertainment. I may be a colossal Boston stereotype, but there’s nothing I enjoy more than some great Irish music! What else would you expect from a lass named Colleen? (That’s gaelic for “girl,” for those of you who didn’t grow up in an Irish family.)

I ended up finishing in 1:24. I had hoped to finish around 1:10, but I’m not beating myself up too much. This was my first 10K, and I had admittedly slacked on my training. The important thing is that I did manage to finish, and I proved to myself that I could do it. I definitely want to do this race again next year, but I will up my training plan and hopefully be at 100% on race day. The race itself was really well organized, and I loved the atmosphere. The course was fantastic; I honestly have no complaints, aside from my own less-than-stellar showing! I learned a valuable lesson in respecting my body’s limitations and knowing how far I can push myself — and also the importance of setting and sticking to an established training plan.

Do you have any lessons to share from your own challenging race experiences? Any training tips to help me tackle my next race? 

Shifting Attitudes

Today’s post stems from a lot of recent experiences – from conversations I’ve had with girlfriends, from how I’ve been feeling myself, and from some articles and blog posts I’ve seen kicking around the internet. It’s certainly not a new topic, and I’m not sure I’m going to cover any new ground here, but here goes nothing. I want to spend some time today reflecting on why we, as women, are so damn hard on ourselves.

Most days, I think I am my own harshest critic. I struggle to just let things go. On days when I can’t make it to the gym, I feel guilty for skipping a workout – even if I had a legitimate reason for being unable to make it to my scheduled classes. When my diet isn’t as healthy as I would like it to be, I condemn myself for making poor decisions.

I know I’m not alone here. I cringe every time I hear my friends criticize themselves. These are smart, talented, successful women. They are funny, compassionate, smart, and engaging people; I enjoy their company and I’m lucky to have them as friends. But despite all of their outstanding qualities, I still hear these women put themselves down. They’re not working out enough; they don’t like what they see in the mirror; they’re unhappy with themselves.

And as if it weren’t enough to battle the voices in our own heads, we also get it from everywhere else. If we do achieve our health and fitness goals, suddenly we’re under attack for becoming obsessed with the gym. I’ve heard friends – healthy, strong, inspiring friends – relay their frustration at being told they’ve gone too far. Don’t be overweight – but don’t lose too much weight, or you’ll hear just as many complaints about your appearance. If you don’t work out, you’re lazy – but if you commit to making the gym a priority in your life, suddenly you’re a bad friend who spends too much time working out.

I’m posting today because I’m sick of it. I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t been on track this month – and that’s okay. My weight’s gone up a few pounds, I’ve had to miss a lot of classes, and I haven’t prioritized food prep. It would be really easy to look at these past few weeks and see all the things I could have done differently, and to criticize myself for that. Instead, I’m choosing to concentrate on the positives. I didn’t grocery shop or meal prep this weekend because I decided to take some time to spend with friends, and the quality time I spent with them meant more for my health than any of the nutritious meals I would have prepared in my slow cooker. I had to cancel my gym classes this week because I had to have a mole removed to test for melanoma, but I’m not going to be upset about that. I’m prioritizing my long term health, and letting the biopsy site heal cleanly is more important than squeezing in a barre class.

I shouldn’t need to make excuses. I should be able to be at peace with myself, whatever version of myself I’m presenting on any given day. I want to feel as confident on my best days as I do on my worst. I want to silence the voice in my head that spreads doubt, and guilt, and leads me to question my every move. Basically, I want to get to the point that this is my inner monologue, 24/7:

So, I’m challenging myself to create a new habit. Every morning, I’ll set a positive intention for the day – something I’m doing that day for myself, for the pleasure of doing it, not for any other reason. And every night, before going to bed, I’ll reflect on at least one positive thing that happened that day. So as not to overcrowd the blog, I’ll be posting these intentions on my tumblr page. I’ll include a digest of my week’s reflections as part of my Friday roundup.

Do you ever feel like you’re too hard on yourself? Care to join me on this journey? Let me know how you’ll be logging your intentions and reflections – if you’re doing so electronically, share the link in the comments! 

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

I’m heading off on a long overdue family vacation this week. I haven’t been away with my parents in almost three years, and we’re all in desperate need of a break from reality. Between stress at work, seemingly never-ending health issues, and the grind of daily life, I’m not sure you could find three people more eager to get the heck out of dodge.

We’re heading to Las Vegas to spend five nights at Mandalay Bay. Let’s get this out of the way right off the bat: I do not expect to stick to my clean eating, healthy living habits in Vegas. I wouldn’t be able to truly relax if I were putting pressure on myself 24/7 to “be good” — but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to go totally crazy! There are ways to balance out a relaxing, indulgent vacation with a healthy mindset. Here are some of the things I’ll be doing to make sure that a week away from home doesn’t totally undo all of my hard work…

Find ways to stay active while on vacation. 

Just because I’m away from home doesn’t mean I can’t still be active. True, I won’t be able to take a Studio Poise class for a week, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do some core work on the floor of my hotel room! I’ll have my iPad with me so I can do some follow along videos every morning. I know I’ll feel better if I start my day by getting my body moving, and I’ll also feel less guilty when I indulge later in the day.

Mandalay Bay has a beautiful fitness center, but there’s a daily fee to use it. I’d rather save my dollars, so in addition to my hotel room fitness plans, I’m also bringing my sneakers and plan to get out for a run every day. There’s a half mile jogging path that runs around the outside of the hotel’s pool and beach area that I can take advantage of, or I can venture out and take in the sights along the strip while also logging some miles.

Indulge wisely.

Yes, I plan to have a drink while I’m lounging poolside, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be ordering up one of those ridiculously oversized souvenir glasses of frozen sugary alcoholic goodness. I may have one pina colada as a treat during the vacation, but primarily I’ll stick to vodka sodas. I find these more refreshing, they have significantly fewer calories, and they won’t leave me with a raging sugar-induced hangover the next day.

This was from my last trip to Vegas, in 2010. I’m sipping from a yard of margarita. I have no idea what a yard translates to in ounces, but I can tell you that it leads to one heck of a hangover.

I also know that I’ll be having an amazing dinner every night, so I’ll pace myself throughout the day. I’ll scope out my options for healthy, lighter breakfast and lunch choices – places with great salads, fruit bowls, and low calorie offerings. I’ll make sure to steer clear of the poolside stands offering burgers and quick fried options! I’m also packing an assortment of healthy snacks – things like 100 calorie packs of almonds, Lara bars, and packets of Shakeology with my blender bottle – so that I’m equipped for success. This is especially smart for the days when I’ll be flying, as it can be challenging and expensive to find healthy options in airports!

Remember that this is a vacation, and it’s okay to enjoy yourself! 

At the end of the day, I love to eat, and I love trying new restaurants. When we booked the trip, I spent hours reading restaurant reviews before deciding on where we’d be eating each night. We aren’t the type of people who go to Vegas to take advantage of the all-you-can-eat buffet, so I won’t be tempted by the never ending display of caloric options. Instead, we’ve got reservations at some great restaurants, including Charlie Palmer’s Steakhouse, Rick Moonen’s RM Seafood, and my personal favorite, Thomas Keller’s Bouchon Bakery.

The key, when dining out, is to know where you’ll get the most bang for your buck, calorically speaking. If I order an appetizer somewhere, I’ll pass on dessert. So, I do my homework. I read reviews, and I pay attention to whether certain restaurants have a really astounding pastry chef, or whether there are certain appetizers for which the location is famous for. I’ll try to order wisely based on this research.

However, at the end of the day, I also won’t beat myself up too much for enjoying an amazing meal. I don’t eat this way normally; I might go out for a really extravagant meal once every two or three months when I’m at home. I know that these restaurants are using quality ingredients and everything is being prepared by the best chefs, and I will concentrate on enjoying the experience and savoring every bite.

Come back from Vegas several million dollars richer.

Okay, maybe I’m practicing a little bit of The Secret here. If I put something out into the universe, it will come true, right? ….RIGHT?!

Immediately after winning $600 on Sex and the City slot machines back in 2010… so really, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, you guys.

What are your strategies for staying active when on vacation?
Any favorite Vegas activities that I should check out while I’m there?